I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
