I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
