So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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