i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
