We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The air taste purple.
Randomize
