Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
