oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
