i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
