Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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