mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
