I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
