I need to stop coming to work sober
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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