When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When are your genitals available?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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