lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
