i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
