none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
