You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
