im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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