Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
