my vag is so smooth its legendary
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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