Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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