So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
