what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
