so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
