How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
