drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
