there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My vagina is very pro this idea
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