There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
