I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh god it's open bar.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
