Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
