Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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