I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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