Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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