I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
