If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
