it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
