This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
