My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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