His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
