we have pet lesbian snakes
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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