I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes