Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation