Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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