He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.