Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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