Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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