k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
