hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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