PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wear drunk well.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
