if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
