suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you never un-have a 4some
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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