Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize