I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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