I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
