Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
