Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
