i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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