Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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