alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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