Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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