How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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