I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
