So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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