Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
