Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
