well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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