i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
