His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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