As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
