If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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