Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
