Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
