do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
When are your genitals available?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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