yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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