That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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